Drinking and Dicing
by Autistic Goldfish
Summary: Mat isn't sure what to do with these feelings around Rand. He wants to leave, he wants it to be done and over with, but that's not happening. So he does what feels right. Takes place in the third/fourth book spoilers up to that point, sort of. Mat/Rand


**Disclaimer: I do not own or have any association with the Wheel of Time series. This is fanwork and I do not profit from this.**

Mat scowled as he paced back and forth, up and down the hallways of the Stone of Tear. Mad at himself, mad at Aes Sedai, mad at Thom, mad at prophecies, mad at Rand, stupid Rand, fulfilling the prophecies and proclaiming himself the Dragon Reborn.

How could someone be friends with someone who would kill them in the end? Someone who would kill _everyone_ in the end, and Break the World all over again? Why couldn't he just _leave_?

_"Ta'veren_," he muttered. "Bloody _ta'veren_, Moiraine would say. Light burn her, and all her bloody Aes Sedai! I am _not ta'veren_!"

He huffed and punched the nearest wall, yelping slightly at the pain as his fist connected with solid rock. Mat examined his bloody knuckles for a moment before shoving his hand into his pocket and sinking to the floor.

"I'm not staying because the stupid Pattern wants me to. I refuse. I refuse I refuse I refuse," he growled. But, what was he staying for, then? Not the card games, he didn't like his lack of luck in those, not the women, there were far prettier elsewhere, not Perrin and his stupid bird-faced girlfriend, not Nynaeve and Egwene and Elayne, manipulating him with their Aes Sedai ways and being ungrateful, selfish jerk, not for Thom, who could certainly watch after himself, and not for… not for Rand.

He was most certainly not staying for Rand. Because if he was, that meant he felt some sort of good feeling towards him, which he didn't, because one can't simply like the person who was going to break the world again.

But why was he staying?

"Not for Rand," Mat said aloud. "No. In fact, I am not staying at all. I am leaving tomorrow morning."

"Is that so?"

Mat gave a start as he noticed Thom standing over him, blowing his long mustaches and adjusting his patchwork cloak.

"You've had this conversation with yourself every day for the past week," Thom continued, "and every day you stay. If you're going to leave, which you won't, then get it done and over with. If not, then quit moping around and stop cuddling the girls. Find some way to be useful."

Mat glowered at him. "I don't even know why I'm staying. I should be two weeks gone now, off somewhere grand."

Thom blew his mustaches and studied him carefully. "Everywhere 'grand' is at war, boy. You're better off here."

"With a Dragon bound to break the world?"

"With someone you've been head-over-heels for since before you left that backwater village of yours."

Mat glared harder, trying to convince himself the warmth in his face was from anger and not embarrassment. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You would if you came out of denial." Thom walked off towards the kitchens before Mat said another word.

* * *

Egwene was startled when Mat stopped her in the hallways. It was two days after Mat's encounter with Thom, and the dicer still hadn't found it in himself to leave.

"Why, hello Mat. What do you need?" she asked, quickly regaining her composure and hiding her shock. No Aes Sedai would let such a little thing as someone stopping them in the hallway surprise them. She eyed his wrinkled coats with slight disdain.

"Advice," he rasped out, looking as if he hadn't slept or drank in days.

"Get some sleep and drink some water," she said. "That's the best advice anyone will give you."

"No," he shook his head and leaned against the wall. "Not that. I-you know things about romance, don't you?"

"Yes…?"

"I…" Mat paused for a second, as if thinking through what he was about to say. "When you liked Rand, how did you let him know?"

Egwene's eyes widened. "I-well-Mat, I didn't really do anything, he just… It's… I don't know." Her face reddened and she quickly tried to think of a recovery. "Mat, for women, you have to be subtle. You can't outright tell them. This is women's business. I can't tell you the women's side of things; why, that would ruin everything!"

Mat cocked an eyebrow. "Subtle?"

"Well, yes…"

"How so?"

She frowned. "You have to get them to like you back first. It takes time. Why, Mat, why do you even care about this? If you like a girl, there's a good chance she'd appreciate you just telling her about your feelings."

Mat shook his head vigorously. "No, Egwene. Continue on as you were before. How do you get them to like you back?"

"You really want to know?"

"Yes."

Egwene sighed and crossed her arms. "Spend time with them. Nothing pushy at first, just be there, let them go about their business, but with you present. Then start talking to them, just little pieces of conversation, so they know who you are and take more notice of you. Become friends, but not too close of friends. Look your best when you're around them."

Mat listened intently as she continued on, and after a five minute long lecture, he thanked her and left before she could ask anything.

When alone, Mat shook his head. That didn't seem quite right. He couldn't manipulate R-_no,_ he couldn't manipulate _anyone_. Anyone. Not just...

He marched off, forcing himself to think of dice and the servant girl who was always up for cuddling.

* * *

"And so, having slain the Trollocs and saving his city, Garmon returned to his humble home in Tear. He stayed with his lover, who was the same as he, and died years later, no children and no wife." Thom bowed and swiftly disappeared into the crowd. The story was an interesting one, even if some parts made no sense.

Mat thought he might have the answer to some of them, but then again, he was probably wrong. Nobody else was the way he was.

"No, you're probably right." The stupid gleeman appeared out of nowhere, again, and Mat frowned. He hadn't realized he had spoken. "You, of all people, would understand who Garmon's lover was. Or rather what."

Mat swallowed. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said stiffly.

"Still in denial, boy? Well, I'll have you know the Daughter-Heir's heartbroken right now. There's hope."

Thom disappeared into the crowd as Mat searched for the golden-haired girl, and couldn't help but grin when he saw her alone, pointedly looking away from Rand. He quickly wiped it off his face though, and stalked out of the room.

* * *

Mat was clearly unstable after his fifth mug of brandy, and in a drunken haze found himself facing the two Aiel standing guard outside Rand's room.

"Want to play 'Maiden's Kiss' again?" Chiad asked amusedly. Mat frowned at her.

"I want to see Rand."

"He is busy right now," she said, suddenly serious. "You can talk to him some other time."

Mat sat down on the floor, feeling dizzy. He had to see Rand. More than anything else in the world, he needed to see him.

"Can you tell him I'm here, then? See if he's too busy for his old friend." Friend. If they could even be considered that anymore.

Chiad lightly knocked on the door, her concerned expression going completely unnoticed by Mat.

Before he knew it, Rand was pulling him to his feet and sitting him on the bed. Mat grinned at this, eyes having a hard time focusing on Rand's face.

"Mat? Are you okay?" His cloak was slightly crinkled, and was redder than his hair with golden herons embroidered along the sleeves and collar. It made him look like royalty.

"I'm fiiine," Mat slurred, falling back on the bed. "Absolutely fine."

"…Mat, how much did you drink?"

He sounded worried now. Mat's grin grew. Rand still cared about him. How could he not, after everything they've been through?

"Four mugs." He hiccupped. "Waiiit, five."

Moments later a cup of water was being pushed to his lips, and Rand was muttering under his breath. "You lummox," Rand said, pulling Mat farther up the bed and resting his head on a pillow. "I suppose you'll spend the night here then, won't you? I'd Heal you if I knew how." Rand frowned. "If I could even grasp _saidin_…"

Mat frowned too. He didn't like Rand being upset.

He also didn't like Rand touching _saidin_.

"Are you mad yet?" he asked suddenly, and Rand's eyes widened almost comically.

"What? No! I don't think so. It's… I know it's there, but I'm not mad yet," he said fiercely.

Mat's mouth hurt from smiling so much. "That's good."

"It's great," Rand said awkwardly, and fetched him some more water. The last thing Mat saw before he passed out were his companion's misty gray eyes.

* * *

Mat considered the benefits of hanging himself as he stormed out of the Stone. What kind of fool was he, showing up at Rand's door and acting as he did? And the next morning-with Rand awkwardly sending him away before falling onto the bed himself-was probably the most humiliating moment of his life.

He considered drinking the pain and humiliation off, but that'd likely result in another awful scenario later.

Instead he diced until the sun set.

"Thom, I was wondering about something."

"What?"

"Does it seem like Mat's been acting strangely lately to you?"

"A little, why?"

"He… He showed up at my door the other night, drunk out of his mind. And he muttered… things… in his sleep."

"Such as?"

"Inappropriate things."

"Ah. I see. About who?"

Silence.

"About me."

"Are you uncomfortable with that?"

"I… Well, no Thom, but… I mean, he's a man, I'm a man, that can't happen, can it?"

"Of course it can. Love is a strange thing, boy, and it can happen between any two people."

"But I don't know if I love him. I just… He's my friend, Thom. My _friend._"

Mat pulled his ear away from the door and ran away as fast as his feet could carry him.

* * *

Mat showed up at Rand's door again, and the Aiel let him in again.

But he wasn't drunk this time. He was determined.

"Mat?" Rand asked cautiously, looking up from his book. "Do you need something?"

Mat forced the butterflies out of his stomach and stared directly into his eyes. "Yes."

"What is it?"

"You."

Rand's eyes widened in shock. "Um, what?"

Mat strode forward, ignoring the redness trying to creep up into his face, ignoring the feeling of his stomach dropping to his feet, ignoring the doubt filling up the corners of his mind, and sat across from Rand. He was grinning like a lunatic, but he didn't care.

"I like you, Rand."

Rand shifted uncomfortably, his face warming. "I… I like you too, Mat."

"The same way I like you?"

"…I don't know."

Mat internally congratulated himself on how calm and collected he sounded. He felt like he was about ready to die of embarrassment.

"Do you need help deciding?" He leaned towards him, and Rand's eyes glazed over.

In less than a blink, he was lifted into the air and thrown across the room, just short of the wall.

"Burn you, Mat, I can't worry about this right now!" Rand snapped, and Mat was pushed through the now opened door.

Mat wasn't the only one who cried that night.

* * *

He told himself to stay away from him. He told himself it would do no good. He told himself Rand hated him now.

Yet he found himself walking down the hallway with the shepherd who people called the Dragon Reborn.

"I'm… I'm sorry Mat," Rand muttered. "I just… I can't worry about this right now, okay? There's too many other things I have to manage, and I can't… Maybe, maybe if this all never happened, it could work, but… I just don't know if I like you like that."

Mat huffed. "Who says you have to worry about it? Why not just, I don't know, let what happens between us happen, and worry about other things?"

"…I'm not sure I get what you mean."

"I mean this."

Mat grabbed his friend's arm, turned him to face him, and pulled him down for a kiss.

* * *

A/N: Soooo... I don't really know how big of a fanbase the Wheel of Time has, or even within that how big of a fanbase Mat/Rand has, but... I like the pairing alright, not going to go jump through any flaming hoops for them though, and I just felt like writing something romance-y and cute. Please review and stuffs, let me know what you liked about it, what you didn't like and all that.


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